KEEP YOUR CHILD'S MEMORY ALIVE WHILE HEALING

One of the biggest fears grieving parents have is forgetting their child. Not just us but everyone else
around us. Will people stop thinking about them? Will they become something that never happened?
What will we forget? Their voice, the way they laugh or little details? It can be frightening. I completely
get it – I’m right there with you. Thankfully, there are ways to hold onto those memories while healing.
Healing and remembering can co-exist.

Its understandable while that fear of forgetting occurs. When you lose a child, each memory you have is
just that; a memory. You can’t make any new ones. The thought of forgetting those times can cause a lot
more pain.

When my grandson was five, he asked me if he was like his uncle Nate. He said he wished he knew his
laugh. That statement hit me like a knife in the heart. I tried to explain what his laugh sounded like (yes I
sounded ridiculous). But … I couldn’t remember his laugh. How could a mother forget her son’s laugh?
That question left me reeling. I searched my phone and found a video of him hanging out with his
friends. The minute I heard it – I KNEW it. I didn’t forget! I let my grandson hear it and it brought a huge
smile to his face. At that moment, I created a memory ABOUT Nate for his nephew. Cue the Kleenexes!

 Over time when things feel like they are fading, it’s natural to feel this way. I’ll tell you that its okay, but
if someone told me that I would tell them it’s NOT okay. My son’s laugh was there in my long term
memory – it just had to be woken up.

Moving on in life doesn’t mean losing memories or leaving your child behind. Details will fade with time,
BUT the love and connection you had with them will stay with you forever. It’s an actual part of you.

There are so many ways to incorporate things you do in your life to keeping your child’s memory going.
In the end, it doesn’t matter what it is – this is for YOU. Here are some examples of things you could do:

1. Create a memory box with sentimental things that are your child's/represent your child in a shadow
box. When you make something that is 100% about them, it gives you a space to connect with your child
whenever you want.

2. Develop a tradition in memory of your child: It could be as simple as lighting a candle at your church
on their birthday, planting a tree every year in their name, or having a get together with loved ones to
reminisce. Doing any of these things is a way to continue to celebrate their life while bringing peace to
you on your grief journey.

3. Support something in your Child's name: Contribute a donation in their name, sponsor a scholarship
or participate in a cause that related to their struggles (disease, suicide, drunk driving, crime e.t.c are just
some examples). Doing something like this can provide a sense of purpose and control for you while
emphasizing the impact and memory of your child.

4. Create something that makes an impact. Organize a day to give back to the community every year
(could be delivering meals for the poor, volunteering at a shelter – literally anything to give back via your
time). Have a bench made to put in a park with your kid’s name etched in it. These are just ideas; It can
be something big or little. But whatever you choose to do, its something that puts your child's spirit to do
some good out into the world.

5. Celebrate their life through developing something online that is dedicated to their memory. This is
something I chose to do by developing the blog you are reading. It gives me peace to share my
experiences and ways I’ve coped throughout this journey. Without the experience of Nate, I wouldn’t be
able to do this. These words I give you are my tribute to him.

 I am personally a HUGE picture person. I have pictures of my entire family all over my home. My hallway
is lined on both side with black framed moments of life. There are photos of Nate from various times of
his life. Afterall, he IS part of our family.

Just remember – sharing is caring.

I encourage you to talk openly about your child to friends and family. Not only does it keep their
memory alive for YOU but it helps others remember them in their own way as well. Stories about your
child can help keep their life alive forever.

Initially when I would bring up my son with others, they didn’t know how to respond. Once I explained
to them it was important for me to share memories and keep him active in my life, most people began
to engage in conversation. Over time it became much more comfortable for everyone and I watched
healing occur as a result.

You child will NEVER be forgotten. The impact they made during their lifetime never expires. Never. That
bond never fades.

It’s been almost eleven years since my son passed. That seems like a lifetime ago. But even with that
time, he lives in my heart every day of my life. His presence is always around me and that gives me
peace.

I encourage you to find others if you are ready– whether that’s a support group, family or friends and
share stories about your child. Keep their memory alive in the hearts of others. While the fear of
forgetting never really goes away, finding a place of acceptance is a doable thing. Fear can soften with
time; you just have to do the work. And you are strong – be your child’s voice.

As always, if you’d like to share how YOU keep your child’s memory alive we would love to hear from
you. Share a story about your child; we want to celebrate that life with you.

Keep dreaming and healing,

Chris.